It is a document from the heart of the jihad: Eric Breininger, a German homegrown terrorist recently killed in Pakistan, worked on his memoirs until just days before his death. On Wednesday, the document was posted on the Internet.

Turning to jihad marks the end of a long path from a German youth trying to find his way – one who went to parties, drank alcohol and had a girlfriend. Breininger writes at the beginning of his autobiography, “I lived exactly the kind of life that every young person in the West wants to live. But I couldn’t see any meaning.”

Despite being full of pseudo-religious passages penned primarily for propaganda purposes, Breininger’s memoirs are important for the insight they provide into a world that would otherwise be difficult to understand. But one question remains unanswered: Why the jihad represents an answer to the search for meaning in life.

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